News
National Hydration Crisis Hits College Fountains
Hugo Beveridge •
Outrage from College students as water fountains experience an all-time low water pressure crisis.
Sudden Migration of Penguins to Australia Coincides with College Classrooms Experiencing Sub-Zero Temperatures
Patrick Duncan •
Recently Students are finding it Impossible to focus on Lessons due to Unbearably Cold Temperatures in Classrooms.
Shocking New Reports Indicate Obesity In Local Water Dragons is On The Rise
Robert Parker •
Recent alarming data suggest that over 80% of Water Dragons on campus are now classified as overweight.
Major changes to CHAC Honors assembly leave many students questioning the future of the College
Hugo Beveridge •
New Format for Honors Assembly Leaves Students Scratching Their Heads.
Heinous underground newspaper sued for defamation by College
James Brandt •
Year 12 Valedictory Dinner used to attack a shocking online publication known as the ‘Wetlands Post’
Shocking: Experts estimate only 10% of Year 12 Literature students have finished the book
Dominik Beveridge •
The students before the 2 hour external exam on Wednesday morning appeared to have stoically accepted their fate.
The Future of the Wetlands Post
Dominik Beveridge •
What happens to this newspaper lies in your hands
Data shows sudden spike in cross gender interactions after 2025 Formal announced
Dominik Beveridge •
Analysis of CCTV footage shows Year 11s scrambling to develop last-minute relationships with possible partners
Teachers “furious” at the removal of J block “Break out rooms”
Hugo B •
In a development that has left teachers fuming, the College executive team has decided to remove the sliding doors from the wildly popular “breakout rooms”, sparking intense controversy within the school community.
QLD Government announces state takeover of College while Principal enjoys Italian holiday
James Brandt •
While the principal is on holiday in Italy, the college sees radical reform in his absence, rebranding as Queensland’s newest juvenile detention centre.
Exlusive: Anonymous tip off throws new light on "Celebration Day" unlawful activities
Dominik Beveridge •
A source has revealed several shocking new crimes in a stunning expose, casting doubt on supposed “tame” final day
Capture! Year 12 extremists' “Celebration Day” plans thwarted by AFP
George Coburn •
AFP reveals covert arrest of students following senior pranks, reminds them to think about “the mark you leave on the college”
AFP sent back to Canberra after remarkably uneventful Celebration/Thankfulness/Gratitude Day
Dominik Beveridge •
CHAC executives breathe sigh of relief as the Grade 12’s final day of classes occurs without major incident
Highschool Carpark Police Patrols Welcome Sight
James Brandt •
Decision to deploy Queensland Police Service widely praised by students and community alike as parking offences soar
College declares independence from mainland Australia
Dominik Beveridge •
The ‘Republic of CHAC’ was formed this morning as torrential rains remove the last land connection to Australia
Student left ‘traumatised and humiliated’ following $6.50 canteen catastrophe
Callum Burns •
Student concerns regarding the pricing and quality of the College canteen remain unanswered, bringing into question the integrity of the catering service.
Unidentified dead thing removed from C Block rafters after overwhelming stench of death affects students' learning
Jack Simpson •
A formal complaint was lodged yesterday when a junior maths teacher, who has asked to remain anonymous, was unable to maintain students’ interest in trigonometric functions
Principal puts AFP on standby as "Celebration Day" approaches
Dominik Beveridge •
The Wetlands Post can report that the Principal has put the Australian Federal Police on red alert and troops are stationed in Brisbane
Disapproval as Shrek ruled out for CHAC 2025 Musical
Hugo B •
In a shocking announcement that has left students scratching their heads, CHAC has released that the 2025 musical will be School of Rock
SCOOP: Sausage-gate scandal leaves community questioning CHAC’s financial responsibilities
Jacob Duncan • James Brandt •
Peel House’s financial losses from house sausage sizzle (“Sausage-gate”) may reveal deeper financial conspiracies
Revealed: Peel grade 12 farewell sausage sizzle makes shocking financial loss
Jack Simpson •
House captains Adele and Elodie finished counting the two-dollar sanger payments early this morning and were dismayed to discover a damaging net loss
Exclusive: College Captain fails to sign in to Music Lesson
Dominik Beveridge •
The College community is reeling after news Toby Chippendale, College Captain, let slip he has been failing to sign in and out of music lessons
